my future's so bright...

Progress.

It has been a week of self-exploration. Honestly, I do not know what the result of all this will be, what the end looks like. I hate trying to stop and figure things out; I am too impatient for that. Anyway, maybe to know would be too limiting. And I have been on kind of a roll lately.

Things are feeling less like a mescaline trip gone wrong. I am reaching a level of clarity that surpasses anything I have previously known. That is not to say that the problem has ceased; I still dissociate. I have a feeling it will be a long time until I can stay in my own head completely. But what has been helping me is recognizing the advancements I make every day no matter how trivial, and not letting regressions discourage me. Sometimes we all slip, and that is okay.

Maybe my new found optimism is due to all the support I have been receiving from my family and friends. Maybe my confidence and self-assurance has increased as I have been actively applying the skills I have been taught in "real" situations now. Maybe something just finally clicked, and I can see that there really are infinite possibilities. 

I used to find it hard to accept the reality of my situation. I thought that if I wanted something badly enough it would be so, and thus wasted a lot of time thinking fantastically. But this is true, in some sense; things are what you make them. While I cannot will myself simply to be different, I can choose how I approach life. And if I choose to act with fierce hopefulness, not even I can stand in my own way. My future's so bright....